i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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