Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
