What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
