Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
