I will die if light touches me.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
A bitchslap is in order.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize