Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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