at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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