awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
