i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
