Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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