Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize