I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
