Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize