i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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