Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
