Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize