Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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