Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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