The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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