piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
