did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
