Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
