i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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