She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
