I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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