forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
