If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
