just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
