So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
