After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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