i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
