I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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