Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
