On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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