Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
