She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
