I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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