I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
