I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
