My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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