My hand turned me down
it hurts more in the daytime
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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