He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
