I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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