I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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