Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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