also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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