we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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