I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
