We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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