i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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