Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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