Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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