i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
