If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
