LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
