I'm so fucking centered right now
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
