Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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