She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
