I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
