Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
