Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I see more hoeing in ur future
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