I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
