Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
