remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
