Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
