I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
