Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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