It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
