Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
