so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize