I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
